- Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... Cheap...........no strings attached
- Advertisement In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
- Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
- When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.
- My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
- You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off .
- Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.
- Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
- Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
- The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
- Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
- Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.
- The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
- Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
- A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.
- Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
- Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !
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