Monday, May 30, 2011

The Art of Femininity and The Truth About Being Feminine

Before we even get into the art of femininity,and the truth about femininity, some women have UNREALISTIC ideas about femininity and womanliness.

They're convinced that they can't ever be queens among women because they believe;

They're too tall.

They're not beautiful enough.

They're big boned.

They're a little bit clutzy.

They don't look like Hollywood celebrities....

As a result, they feel DOOMED as far as femininity and womanliness is concerned. However lovely, regarding the art of femininity, there's no line that all women must be above, or below, physically, to be considered as REAL women.

For example, a woman may be naturally large-boned and have a deep/husky voice. But be as girly as they come! And even though she may not considered 'average' with these physical traits, both are normal.

Moreover, she's showing individual differences, not defects.

However, consider the FALSE pictures of femininity in the media and in the entertainment industry that we've all become familiar with. We see these and similar ideas of 'womanly perfection' being repeated time and time again.

From such sources we may also come to feel that femininity means being perfect, or is simply a matter of being beautiful and sexy to look at.

The truth of the matter is that magazines, movies and television shows give us a DISTORTED and rather vapid picture of femininity, and the real and important things are left out.

Moreover, they emphasize the glamor, frivolity and surface appearances, not the REAL, day-to-day qualities which make a woman successful and ideal.

They fail to mention, for instance, how important it is for femininity that a woman feel happy within herself - as a PERSON - and to respect herself as a member of her own sex (and to command respect by being respectable.)

They don't mention either the importance of being a mature and sensible individual, of cultivating one's intellect, of being able to handle the day-to-day responsibilities in life and to love others in a grown-up and altruistic way.

That's the trouble with many notions we have of femininity and womanliness today dove. It also doesn't help that many popular women's magazines and reality shows (such as 'Cosmopolitan,' 'The Hills' and 'Jersey Shore,') actually encourage women to be vapid, shallow and PROMISCUOUS.

I also want to add that the art of femininity doesn't entail becoming a model or winning a beauty contest. No, no! It entails becoming a woman of SUBSTANCE, a feminine woman, and a woman who can contribute something real and of value to society.

Now, there's nothing wrong about a woman being beautiful, or having an interest in beauty, fashion and 'girly' things. On the contrary, these things, as well as the feminine arts, help a woman to REVEL in her femininity and are an asset.

However, the true measure of femininity isn't in the size of a girl's bust or in the length of her legs or eyelashes. The true measure of femininity is in a woman's attitude, mannerisms and behavior.

In addition, you can't judge femininity on the basis that a woman's a 'Martha Stewart' devotee or a prize-winning cook. The fact of the matter is dove; we can't all be beauty queens or prize-winning cooks.

Every woman is DIFFERENT, and may be a little unusual and quirky besides :-)

For example, a woman may be the most stunning and feminine looking women in a room (you see that she dresses femininely, paints her nails, has long hair and so on.) However, she's not thinking of modeling, marriage and/or motherhood as a full-time career.

Moreover, she may plan to marry and become a mother eventually, but wants very much to become a doctor first (whether or not that will effect her chances of marrying and starting a family before her biological clock ticks over is besides the point.)

The point is; when it comes to femininity and womanliness every woman is different - in abilities, personalities and interests. And every woman has been given a CHOICE in life - about what she wants to do and who she wants to be.

We're not here to judge, and by thinking about these ideas and by observing others, we can discover what being a woman means to us, personally.

What does being a woman mean to you dove? Moreover, who and what do you want to be in your life?

Some of us will want to be a stay at home wives and mothers (more power to you, if that applies to you!) However, some of us wouldn't feel fulfilled without doing some sort of work that's outside the home, and we shouldn't feel guilty about it.

And whatever your answers will be regarding your choices in life, it will be a different answer from the woman next to you (but it will fit YOU and that's what matters!)

Furthermore, some of our ideas about what makes a woman FEMININE can be false, or at least too simple.

Maybe we'll have to revise some of our thinking, and find new answers to the questions of what qualities a woman needs to have to be 'feminine.' We may also need to redefine what it means to be ideal and successful as a woman.

Nevertheless, there certainly are fundamental DIFFERENCES between males and females, we can't deny that. Not only biologically, but in attitude, mannerisms and behavior. And the natural differences in personality may be due to the differences in glands and brain structure.

In addition, it's BIOLOGY that has created the underlying difference between males and females. Naturally, the maleness or femaleness in humans will show itself in many physical traits. To mention a few;

1. The male is on average 20% heavier by the age of 20 than a woman.

2. Muscular strength is considerably stronger in males, and shows a consistent difference in favor of males at all ages. From early infancy, males exhibit greater 'muscular reactivity,' as illustrated by a stronger tendency toward restlessness and activity.

3. The male consumes more fuel (food) and produces more energy than the female (perhaps women are generally more passive and gentler than men because their bodies produce less energy.)

Men are usually bigger and stronger than women, so in most parts of the world they're given the heavier and more brawnier jobs to perform. Women bear the children, so in many societies their occupations have been those connected with child rearing and homemaking.

Furthermore, because women are physically weaker than men, they may need protection while they're carrying and rearing children.

Many of our notions regarding chivalry have come as a result of this natural difference in strength between men and women. And most feminine women are treated protectively by their men and have the NEED to have a man act as their protector.

When it comes to INTELLIGENCE and mental abilities, however, differences aren't found. But the fact remains that there are certain aptitudes which appear fairly consistently to reveal differences between the genders.

For example;

Boys often excel in mathematical and mechanical tests, while girls excel more often in verbal ability.

Boys are superior in speed and co-ordination of gross bodily movements, while girls excel in multi-tasking and manual dexterity.

However dove, when we consider abilities, we can't be sure how much difference, if any, is to be found between men and women.

We also can't know how much is due to biology, and how much to the environment. But the differences definitely do exist and are interesting to think about.

What are the differences between men and women when it comes to emotional behavior? You may have heard that women are more emotional than men. But is this actually true?

Is the man who controls a display of emotion LESS emotional than the woman who's learned that it's all right for her to express her feelings?

We know that men DO have strong emotions, and they do feel. They also express their emotions differently than women do, but in some situations express them quite freely.

Have you ever watched men around a fighting ring? Or at a World Series game? Men in our society are expected to show emotions in some situations, and to control them in other situations. The same holds true for women.

Women can cry in the movies. Men can throw temper tantrums when drivers don't give way.

Women can express fear. Men can express anger.

Society not only defines which emotions are appropriate for men and women, but even the ways in which the same emotion can be expressed.

A woman can go into raptures over a new pair of shoes; a man, over a new set of power tools.

In our society, women are allowed more freedom than men to express fear. So again, society expects different behavior of men and women, and boys and girls learn how to meet those expectations.

In addition, there are differences between the sexes in INTERESTS. If you question large groups of men and women about what kinds of activities they like most, and about their hobbies and occupations, you'll find clear-cut differences.

Men show a distinctive interest in outdoor and physically strenuous activities, in machinery and tools, in science and inventions, in adventure....

Women have a distinctive interest in aesthetic objects and occupations; in domestic affairs, and distinctively prefer more sedentary and indoor occupations, and occupations which involve being nurturing and sympathetic.

Thus the occupations of homemaker, beauty therapist, nurse, teacher and social worker are typically 'feminine' occupations in our society.

Furthermore, every society recognizes the fact that biology makes men and women different, but formulates its own notions of what work and behavior is appropriate for men and women.

In short, they determine what masculinity and femininity should be, and it's also true for our society.

Suppose you were a young lady growing up a hundred years ago. You were a member of a good family, were wealthy, attractive and sheltered. Under such circumstances, you'd likely faint whenever anything unpleasant happened. And if bad news came or you happened to see a pool of blood, you'd faint, just like that.

In addition, most people who lived a hundred years ago considered fainting, or "swooning" as they liked to call it, an inborn characteristic of ladies, and sure enough, ladies learned to swoon as they grew up.

In every society, we have different notions of whats natural and appropriate, and learn how to behave accordingly. Thankfully, in today's society, if you're a woman, no-one will expect you to faint at the sight of a little blood!

However, in my personal opinion we've gone too FAR with 'political correctness'' (a rather warped sense of appropriateness if you ask me,) and 'gender equality.'

Not only that but the media/entertainment industry has damaged our concept of femininity and womanliness as a whole.

Where's the feminine loveliness and elegance gone? The substance? The virtue? And where are the LADIES with their poised and graceful behavior?

Where's the art of femininity to be learned?

As we've grown up, many of us have had a LACK of models of femininity and womanliness to take after (that's why websites such as this one are helpful :-)) And although there's obviously a lack of feminine women in society, one woman's ideas of femininity may be quite different from another woman's.

For example, one woman may want a university degree and a career, and another woman will choose activities centered entirely around the home. But there's no right or wrong or 'normal' choice, and it's a woman's choice alone.

A woman can also be considered as "unfeminine" or "mannish" primarily because she lacked feminine role models growing up and identified more with the men in her life.

Is it fair to judge her harshly dove? And a woman may be judged for being too feminine and girly, when that's the way she is, naturally.

We're sometimes a little too scornful of the women who don't fit our fixed notions of what a woman ought to be like.

In addition, we're sometimes ignorant of the possible reasons why a woman is the way she is, how she may have been brought up, and what kinds of people were present to model herself after.

We sometimes forget too; the masculine girl or 'Tomboy' may make a very good adjustment in adulthood. And turn into a warm, friendly and attractive woman who's greatly admired by men because she speaks their "language.''

The label which fits one woman may not fit you at ALL. Yet there's nothing at all 'wrong' with you! Moreover, average doesn't necessarily mean 'normal,' and we simply can't expect ourselves, or anyone else for that matter, to be average!

As women, we should not only aim to be pretty and feminine, but extraordinary and a cut above the rest! Never be content with being mediocre, and it can be an IDEAL thing for a woman to have a few 'masculine' personality/character traits.

**If all women were ultra-feminine, and looked just like the beauty queens or celebrities, we'd all be the same. There's beauty in all our colors, and it's diversity that makes us fascinating :-)

Furthermore, without some BALANCE in our feminine natures, it would be pretty hard to understand men or to live with them!

When we say that men are more mechanically inclined than women, and women are more sympathetic than men, we're talking about averages. And if we drew graphs showing how men and women compare on mechanical ability or sympathetic behavior, we'd find exactly the same kind of picture, with great individual differences.

This also applies to the way we look, the way we express ourselves and so on.

Nevertheless, men and women have become too much alike doll! You only have to look at college girls these days; they walk, talk and laugh/joke like MEN, not like women (and they 'swear like sailors!')

Furthermore, men prefer FEMININE women, they always have and they always will. And a man wants to be married to a woman, not to a Mack truck!

Thankfully, there are many books that encourage ideal femininity and womanliness, and that teach the art of femininity. Some titles are;

'The Power of Being a Woman: Embracing the Triumph of the Feminine Spirit.'

'What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should): Timeless Secrets to Get Everything you Want in Love, Life, and Work.'

'Lady in Waiting.'

'A Touch of Grace: How to be a Princess the Grace Kelly Way.'

'Fascinating Womanhood.'

'A Guide to Elegance: For Every Woman Who Wants to Be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions.'

'The Surrendered Single.'

'The Surrendered Wife.'

'The Diva Principle.'

''Passion And Purity'.

Anyway cupcake, I do hope you enjoyed my article; The Art of Femininity and The Truth About Being Feminine.

Much Love,
Melina xxx

Books and Courses for Seductive Women

My Other Femininity Blog

The Art of Being Feminine


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